Are Marshmallow Peeps the New Pumpkin Spice?

By Gordon Hopkins So, I was at the store the other day and I saw something that made my blood run cold. It is an abomination upon this Earth and it left a deep chasm of roiling despair in the pit of my stomach, because I know what it portends.I saw a box of Marshmallow Peeps breakfast cereal. Now, there has long been this trend of trying to make something that is clearly not meant for breakfast and turning it into breakfast cereals, like cookies and peanut butter cups and even that slushy favorite of kids that hang out at convenience stores, Icee. Yes, there really is an Icee cereal.But this is different. Peeps aren’t just showing up for breakfast. Like that annoying visiting relative that just won’t take a hint, Peeps are showing up for every meal. (Or, at least dessert.) Peeps have somehow become an ingredient in cakes and cookies. There are Peeps s’mores, Peeps Rice Crispies Treats, even Peeps ice cream.Some of these products are confusing to me. I’ve seen a frosted strawberry Marshmallow Peeps Pop-Tart. I can’t figure out if these are supposed to be Pop-Tarts that taste like Marshmallow Peeps or Marshmallow Peeps that taste like Pop-Tarts.Regardless, the trend is going to continue. Peeps will soon become ubiquitous. But what does it all mean? It is clear to me what is happening. It is a marketing plan. (Or, should I call it a marketing conspiracy?) Advertisers are wanting to do with Peeps what they did with pumpkin spice.Thanks to all-pervasive, inescapable marketing, pumpkin spice became synonymous with autumn. Advertising spent billions associating pumpkin spice with the cool breezes and falling leaves and holidays that part a part of that beloved season. Now, whenever autumn rolls around, people everywhere order pumpkin spice lattes to drink with their pumpkin spice muffins in coffee shops, smelling of the (artificial) pumpkin spice scent in the air.Now, they want to do the same thing for spring. They needed a flavor to go along with Easter egg hunts and blossoming flowers and returning birdsong. Yes, they want to make Marshmallow Peeps the pumpkin spice of the spring season. Now, I know what you are thinking. How could such a diabolical plan succeed? Nobody actually likes Marshmallow Peeps. They are basically hard marshmallows covered in sugary spackle. Oh sure, they look great in those colorful Easter baskets but I guarantee you, 99 percent get thrown out along with the fake grass and chocolate bunny wrappers. But here is the thing. Nobody liked pumpkin spice, either. That was, until marketing execs worked overtime to associate it with that all-too brief season we all love.Now, they are at it again. Soon, those crusty, sugary chicks that somehow manage to be hard yet squishy at the same time, will be the most coveted taste in the spring. Those little yellow birds made from stuff that reminds me of the stuff they use to hold bricks together, except it doesn’t taste as good, will be everywhere. And there is nothing we can do to stop it. *Important note for my boss: Before I wrote this column, I checked with the person who handles the newspaper’s advertising. She assured me the company that makes Marshmallow Peeps doesn’t advertise with us.

Emery Bessler

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