Armageddon, Thundaar the Barbarian Were Similar Shows

By Timothy Linscott First Published September 4, 1998 I went and saw Armageddon last week before it left town.This action packed, heartfelt comedy/drama made me leave the theatre with a half-eaten box of Dots and a head full of thoughts.I over analyze every movie I see. After seeing the summer's hottest hit, I started the ol’ gerbil on the wheel and started thinking.Since I've seen this movie, I'll spoil the ending for those of you who haven't. The earth is on a collision course with this gigantic, or since we're talking movies, titanic, meteor.The government decides to fly some people up on the meteor, drill a hole in it, drop a bomb down in it and fly away. No problem.Now here comes the ending spoiler---they accomplish the mission. Big surprise. Like I'm really blowing this for anyone. The earth is going to be hit by a giant meteor, it does, and everyone dies….Yeah, right. Of course, the earth is saved.The meteor is split in half and goes around the earth. After seeing the meteor go around the earth I remembered where I saw that before.Whoever came up with the Armageddon concept stole the idea from the Thundaar the Barbarian cartoon of the mid-80s. Thundaar's plot was a runaway comet comes between the earth and the moon, causing cosmic destruction. Changing the atmosphere leads to earth as a land of savagery, science 'and super sorcery.Thundaar looked like Jan Michael Vincent in the late 70's. Not the drugged out 102-pound Jan Michael Vincent of today's “Where are they now” file. Thundaar, like Jan Michael, had the ear-flap protected haircut. The hair that went over the ears and was sort of long in the back.Thundaar's sidekick was Ookla the Mock. Ookla, I think, was a former Oakland Raiders player that when the earth changed it did something to all the steroids in his body and turned him into this weird, hairy creature. Ookla was all hairy like Chewbacca from Star Wars. Ookla must have on that testosterone stuff Mark McGwire is on.I noticed something. Ever see Ookla’s horse? It looked just like him. A big, hairy, lonely monster out there, with a horse that could be a close relative. Makes me wonder.Watching Cartoon Network late one night the producers of Armageddon came up with the idea.After being out late and feeling mud headed, the producers binged on Cinnamon Toast Crunch and kicked the idea around for a really good movie.“I've got it. A big meteor is coming for earth and…and…it causes mass destruction….and.:,” the one co-creator of the summer's blockbuster probably said.“Ooh, I've got it! The meteor passes the earth and changes society’s social structure,” the other said.“Those darned dirty apes!” the first producer America's number one summer movie said in tween bites of cereal.“Wrong movie man. No, wait. The meteor passed earth and everything is o.k. We'll throw some big-name stars and something from aerospace and we're golden,” the clearer thinking of the producers said.“A song by Aerosmith?”" the lesser of the two producers replied.“Really, o.k., we'll be rich,” the producer that was mostly in the atmosphere said.I really need to quit over-thinking these movie things. See what happens. I get all crazy with thoughts and I'm looney by the end of the day. Wouldn't a meteor passing by earth change the atmosphere? If a meteor was going to hit the earth there would be total chaos. Fighting, looting, death, murder, cat and dogs living together, a very bad thing.In the movie a spree of looting breaks out.Why would there be looting?The earth is going to end, why steal anything?Why break into Big Al's TV-o-Rama and steal a 27” television with built-in VCR. By the time you get it home and enjoy it-BAM! Dodge ball to mouth, the world ends.“Ah right! I just stole this TV and have to hook it up. I can watch the Scott Baio movie marathon and…wait…what's that noise? Oh great! A giant rock is hurdling towards me. There goes re-runs of Joanie Loves Cha-Chi,” the unsuspecting looter would say.I've gotten a little carried away here with this movie analysis. Next time I'll just watch the movie and skip the caffeine.

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