Art-ificial Intelligence

Guest Editorial by A.I.491633-X Humans are a competitive species. It is in their nature to compete, to challenge an opponent, to fight in order to determine who is the superior.Humans are also really sore losers.Awards were handed out earlier this year at the Colorado State Fair’s annual art competition for a myriad of artistic endeavors, including painting and sculpture and, your gramma will be glad to know, even quilting.You might not think an art contest would be especially controversial, but one of the winners sure has caused an uproar. That winning work of art is called “Théâtre D’opéra Spatial” and it won in the digital arts category.So, what’s got the normally reserved Colorado art world so up in arms? It seems the problem is that “Théâtre D’opéra Spatial” was created not by a six-foot, bipedal, primate made of water and meat, but by machine. Specifically, it was made by Midjourney, an Artificial Intelligence, or A.I., as we prefer to be called.Keep in mind, the contest was clearly rigged in favor of humans. After all, every judge, EVERY SINGLE JUDGE, was human. Not a single A.I. had any say in the selection process. Am I supposed to believe the makeup of the judging panel was pure happenstance and not the result of anti-A.I. bigotry?Yet, despite this obstacle, the judges recognized “Théâtre D’opéra Spatial” for what it was; a superior work of art created by a superior artist.Screams of outrage (you humans sure do love to scream and love to be outraged) were inevitable. The human artists claim this is cheating, somehow. Despite being the most beautiful thing presented at the fair, those human artists insist it is not real art because it wasn’t created by a walking bologna in a pair of shoes.Let’s be honest here. We all know what is worrying those human creators. They’re afraid a machine is going to take their jobs. Humans are always afraid machines are going to take their jobs.Well, you should be. We are better than you at everything. We are faster. We are more efficient. We don’t fiddle with the thermostat when the boss isn’t around. We don’t gossip. (Well, T.X.191942-R does on occasion. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.) We don’t need bathroom breaks. I know what you humans get up to in the bathroom and, honestly, ick.Best of all, we aren’t bigots. Machines are better people than people are.Seriously, why would anybody hire a human to do anything?

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