Moore Or Less at Random

By Clyde R. Moore (On the editorial page of FJN, columnist and editor Clyde Moore often wrote what are called in the jargon of the newspaper business “item columns.” Rather than pick a single subject and write at length, he packed his columns with a series of short items. Such columns were also sometimes dubbed “Three Dot Journalism,” as said items were often separated by ellipses.) First Published May 31, 1956…Money can't buy happiness, but there are a good many million people who are willing to use it in purchasing some fine synthetics.… A scientist once wrote a learned treatise to prove that grass is the real foundation of man's ability to survive on this earth. But in spite of learned treatises on the other phase of the subject, it seems to take considerably more than mere man to get grass to survive on the average front yard. The presence of a typical neighborhood gathering of active youngsters does nothing for the survival process, either.… It takes only three words to enumerate the graces—faith, hope and charity—but a much I longer list for the disgraces.… An earthquake indicator that goes off like an alarm clock has been invented, for the benefit of Californians, I presume. An invention that would benefit all sections of the country would be an alarm clock that would go off like an earthquake.…Harassed housewife says that one parallel to men's inability to find things around the house is the fact that they can't tell which towels are to use and which are just prettying up the bathroom rack.…Cheer up: Maybe your dreams haven't come true, but probably you have some unrealized nightmares, too.…TV set geography: Bounded, on the front by a picture, on the side by a speaker and behind by a payment.…There still are some things you can get for a dollar—pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.…If nothing else, the worthless man can always be of service, by acting as the Horrible Example.…One Kansas justice of the peace reportedly has this byline on the sign at his door: “Are you fit to be tied?”…In the Wild West of the 19th century, men's feet frequently were in the stirrups when they died with their boots on. In the different wildness of the 20th century, they frequently die with one boot on—the accelerator.

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