Rescuing the Super Guys

By Gordon Hopkins Is the superhero movie dead?That seems to be the question of the day. Well, it’s a question, anyway. Maybe it’s not the most important question being asked right now but, frankly, I don't want to deal with any of those.While there have been superhero movies since at least the 30's, with old timey movie serials like “The Adventures of Captain Marvel” and “Atom Man versus Superman,” the superhero boom began in earnest back in 2008 with the releases of “The Dark Knight” and “Iron Man.”I know it seems like, for years, it was the only thing Hollywood was producing. Movie theaters gave us more guys in tights than the Bolshoi Ballet.The general consensus is that the era of the ginormous CGI superhero epics is finally coming to an end. It always takes Hollywood a little longer that the general public to accept the demise of a beloved cash cow. That is why we are still seeing capes-and-tights flicks being released, but these days there are more bombs than blockbusters.I've always viewed the superhero movie as a temporary but horribly overused trend, kind of like cilantro. It was only natural that it would eventually begin to fade away, like the private eye movies of the 40's, the spy movies of the 60's, the special effect comedies of the 80's, or the periodically declared dead westerns of pretty much every decade. Like those other genres, super guy flicks won't go away altogether, but their reduced numbers will make them more manageable.But is it really true? Is the superhero movie really dead? Or, like so many tragically killed superheroes, are they destined for an improbable resurrection?Yeah, I think its dead. But, for the sake of argument (and for the sake of filling up a few inches in my newspaper column), I'm willing to go out on a limb and suggest there may be a solution.Is the problem really “superhero fatigue,” or is the problem that Hollywood is drawing water from too small a pool, a pool that is very wide but very shallow? Almost without exception, every superhero flick features properties from one of two comic book juggernauts, DC and Marvel. Understandable, I suppose. DC and Marvel are the biggest of the big dogs in the superhero game. They are a pair of Rottweilers in a sea of Chihuahuas.Not all superheroes are DC and Marvel. Name recognition means everything in Hollywood but maybe, just maybe, movie producers need to try looking at a few lesser-known characters not owned by the big dogs.So here are a few superheroes that Hollywood might want to consider making into movies that didn't come from DC or Marvel.Now, just to be clear, not all superheroes come from comic books and not all comic books are about superheroes. I am talking specifically the guy or gal that dresses up in a funny costume and becomes a vigilante crime fighter.Condorman (1981)This was an uncharacteristic Disney movie that came out just a couple of years after another uncharacteristic Disney movie, “The Black Hole.” I saw this movie in the theater as a kid and I remember not realizing it was supposed to be a comedy. It was about as funny as a cancer diagnosis.It was the story of a comic book writer who is recruited by the CIA and, basically, becomes the superhero he writes about.It was based on a book by the brilliant and always funny science fiction writer Robert Sheckley. The book, “The Game of X,” was a spy spoof, not a superhero spoof. I would have thought at least a little Sheckley's funny would have seeped into the movie, if only by osmosis but, alas, no.As for the lead, the character and the actor who plays him, I think he can best be described as a sort of macho Woody Allen.So, why remake a terrible movie, you may ask? Good question. My answer: why remake a good one?The Greatest American Hero (1981-1983)Another annoying movie trend that overstayed its welcome was turning TV shows into movies. Because there was nothing movie-goers wanted more than to pay to see something in the theater that they used to able to watch at home for free.So, it surprises me that “The Greatest American Hero” hasn't already been turned into a movie. It was the story of a goofy high school teacher who is given a ‘super suit’ by aliens that gives him superpowers. Alas, the goofy teacher looses the instruction manual and, like every man who tries to put together an IKEA bookcase, wacky adventures ensue.As dopey as it sounds, the show was still pretty entertaining and lasted for three seasons. Unfortunately, the goofy teacher was named Ralph Hinkley and, not long after the show premiered, John Hinkley Jr. attempted to assassinate then President Ronald Reagan. This led to later episodes where the goofy teacher's students just call him Mr. H.Automan (1983-1984)This show about a computer generated superhero was created by famed TV producer Glen A. Larson. It was not without reason that author and scriptwriter Harlan Ellison used to call him Glen A. Larceny. He created such shows as the original “Battlestar Galactica,” which got him sued by the producers of “Star Wars” and “The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo,” an attempt to cash in on the “Smokey and the Bandit” fever of the late 70's.Unfortunately, he apparently forgot the most important maxim of plagiarism, “If you are going to steal, steal from the best.” “Automan” was basically an attempt to rip off the early CGI bomb, “Tron,” yet another atypical Disney film.Ghost (Dark Horse)One of the greatest of DC’s and Marvel’s upstart competitors is Dark Horse comics. Their comics are already the inspiration for two successful movies, “Hellboy” and “The Mask.” That's why it surprises me that there isn't already a “Ghost” movie.The ghost of the title is Elisa Cameron, an investigative reporter who is on the hunt for her own murderer, although her history gets weirder and more convoluted as the series progresses. She is an angry feminist vigilante who wears a white, flowing, cleavage revealing costume that seems at odds with her man-hating character. Comic book writers are good at explaining away such inconvenient discrepancies. In this case, the costume is to distract her usually male opponents, thus both confirming her position that all men are pigs while giving the artists an excuse for a plunging neckline.This is definitely an R-rated property with lots of violence and gore and sex, all things that make for popular, if not great, movies.Spandex Tights (Lost Cause)A superhero parody set in the 70's, this comic skewers every pop culture icon from that decade, from “Star Wars” to “Starsky and Hutch.” It tells the story of a pair of dimwitted female aerobics instructors who fight from on the side. A joke in the series is that they don't have to wear masks because, in their form-fitting superhero tights, no one is ever looking at their faces. Hey, its more plausible than Clark Kent's glasses.The comedy is hit or miss but the storylines got more and more surreal as the series progressed. A personal favorite of mine is the one about a secret experiment that resulted in the births of two-dimensional children.The aerobic duo battled a goofball rogues gallery that would embarrass the Flash: the Corduroy Cowboy, the Prima Donna, the Masked Majorette and Ooh Le La, the Mad Chef.Actually, the story behind “Spandex Tights” might make a better movie. Created by Bryan J.L. Glass, the series was originally called “The Adventures of Lycra Woman and Spandex Girls,” and was clearly a spoof of the Saturday morning kids' show, “Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.” It was not, however, producers Sid and Marty Krofft that sued the comic book publishers but DuPont, which insisted Lycra was a trademarked name and could not be used without permission.There are many movies about the little guy standing up to big corporation in court and emerging victorious.In the real world, an independent comic book guy stood no chance against a powerhouse corporate steamroller. All existing copies of the comic books were recalled and sent to a fiery demise in DuPont's furnaces. The only existing copies are the ones that were purchased before the recall, making them a whole lot harder to find these days than the bazillion copies of “The Death of Superman” that speculators bought up, hoping they would become valuable collector's items someday.Anyway, the comic was retooled and rebranded as “Spandex Tights” to avoid any further legal difficulties.So, anyway, these are just a few suggestions if Hollywood would like to milk the superhero gravy train for a few more years before beating moviegoers to death with the next big trend.

Steven E. Siemsen

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