Saturday Morning Fever

By Gordon Hopkins A couple of weekends ago, it is Saturday morning and I actually get to sleep in (for me, anyway) because my cats decide to wait until 8 a.m. to starting racing around the house and knocking over everything in my home that isn't already broken or bolted (of which I actually have very few left).So, I get up and feed the cats in a vain hope that I can distract them temporarily from their reign of destruction.With their bellies full, the kitties decide to take a nap and, calm once more returned to the Hopkins household. I considered going back to bed. Instead, I decided that I'm awake and might as well prepare myself to face the day. Besides, this was a rare Saturday that I didn't have any assignments to cover. I had a day off. I figured, why not be awake to enjoy it?So, I got myself some breakfast, sat down on the sofa between a black, snoring puffball and an orange, snoring puffball, and turned on the TV.I sat in front of the TV and did nothing, The American Dream.About half an hour after finishing my breakfast, I was still sitting and watching TV, but I began to realize I was doing something else as well: sweating. Yeah, I know how hot it’s been, but my house was cool and comfortable and I wasn't even a little bit active. Yet, sweat was pouring like Niagra Falls on my face.I clicked on a fan and aimed it at my face, but it didn’t help. Even worse, just getting up to turn on the fan seemed to exhaust me.I start getting worried. Then I realize I feel nauseated. (And I wasn't even watching the news) Then I become aware of a sharp pain in my right leg.This is it, I think. I'm having a heart attack. Wait a minute. Isn’t the pain supposed to be my left arm, not my right leg? Unsure what was happening but pretty sure I needed to do something about it, I drug myself to the car and drove myself to the Emergency Room, I knew I was in trouble when one of the nurses asked in a surprised/alarmed voice, “You drove yourself here?”They hooked me up to all manner of gadgets and punctured my arm a few times to extract blood for tests.Eventually, they determine I have not had a heart attack, Instead, I got a serious case of food poisoning, The pain in my leg? Dehydration. So they give me fluids through an IV, and, after spending much time calming the fears of an panicked old guy, sent me home, with instructions that, for the rest of the day, I have only ‘clear fluids’ (which did not include Vodka). The next day I was allowed to eat some solid food, but only ‘bland’ stuff, like oatmeal and bananas.Anyway, I wish to thank all the folks at Jefferson Community Health & Life. They were very nice and patient with me and I didn’t die, and that’s really all I ask for.

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