Shedding Weather

By Gordon Hopkins I have very little patience for people who say things like, “It's not the heat, it's the humidity.”If it wasn't for the heat, it wouldn't be humid. It would be snowing.Thankfully, in the last couple of days we've finally gotten a break from the oppressive heat (and, yes, humidity). I find I'm a bit like an old computer. I don't function well when I get too hot. And it's getting worse as I get older. Every year my tolerance for Nebraska's sweltering summer heat wanes a bit more, just like my tolerance for politics, spicy food and modern music.Two things happen when it gets hot that make my life even more unhappy than it already is. Either one on its own I could deal with. But, together…ugh. One: When it gets hot, I turn on a fan.Two: When it gets hot, my cats shed.I think you see the problem. I currently have three fans, each precisely calibrated and aimed to provide optimal cooling and comfort for the single most important location in my house, the middle cushion on my sofa. You can tell I'm a bachelor because my favorite spot to sit on the sofa is the middle.When my cats are performing their important cat duties, namely laying around, each has a favorite spot. Groucho, the little black cat, likes laying in the living room window. Archie, the orange cat, likes the comfy chair that I haven't sat in for more than three years because there is always a cat in it. Harper, the fat black cat, likes laying on my chest, causing me excruciating pain by kneading my flesh with his claws, which is why every shirt I own has little holes in them. During those especially hellacious days, however, my cats have different favorite spots. Each one likes to lay in front of one of the fans aimed at me while I'm trying to watch TV. I can hardly blame them, but it does mean that while I sit there on the sofa, sweating, the fans are blowing black and orange hair in my direction. Soon, I find myself coated in a layer of black and orange fuzz that won't come off without a shower. Cat hair floats all around the living room and all around the house. Black and orange fluff wafts in the air. Its like living inside a Halloween-themed snow globe.On the up side, the heat encourages a bit of respect for personal space, something cats aren't exactly known for. At night, they sleep in my bed, their collective snores drowned out by the drone of the air conditioner, but they don't feel the need to sleep on top of me, like they do in cooler weather.

Karen Kay Pickett

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