Talking Marriage

By Don Shearon First Published August 20, 1974One of those self-styled experts on a boob-tube game show came up the other day with an oddball idea that the average couple married 15 years uses only 27 ½ minutes per week for conversation.It's remotely possible, I suppose, that his definition of “conversation” may provide an escape hatch if he finds himself in a corner.It is perfectly obvious, however, that the afore-mentioned self-styled expert didn't do much of his research within hearing distance of Mortgage Manor.It's not an unusual morning when I listen to more than a week's quota of conversation before breakfast. Until I've had that first cup of coffee, my contributions don't ordinarily range much beyond an “ugh!” or two, though.There have been occasions when I should have been more attentive. This is made clear when I fail to bring home that spool of thread or whatever thingamabob I was supposed to have collected for the Lady at Our House but didn't, simply because I wasn't tuned in too well while the coffee was making all those gurgling noises.The tenants of Mortgage Manor have been in harness a lot longer than the 15 years mentioned by the idiot-box expert. This qualifies me, I believe, to have an opinion on the subject. During their first 15 years beyond the orange blossoms, most couples have managed to stockpile a supply of minor gripes sufficient to carry them well past the 27 ½ minute weekly quota, just to set the stage for a wholesome family brawl. From there on in, it's all downhill.While I'm about it, I'd just as well explode another myth. This is the one so overblown by cartoonists who are fond of picturing the male of the species forever hidden behind a newspaper at mealtime.Not so; not at Mortgage Manor at least. Our Lady is a compulsive reader. At every meal, even with between-time snacks, she finds the printers' product irresistible. If she's not scanning yesterday's headlines (devoured in total yesterday, of course), she's studying planting suggestions printed on a package of seeds. Or she can find something fascinating about the doctor's prescription instructions typed on a label pasted to a bottle of pills.It's a continuing mystery how Our Lady can work a crossword puzzle while watching a television program, and gain much from either. The moral of all this is to be wary of a boob-tube expert's helpful hints. He very probably read all about it in a book recommended by some other TV expert.

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