The Belly of the Beast

By Gordon Hopkins Early on in my career as a newspaper columnist, I had to make a decision regarding subject matter: politicians or cats? I had to pick one. Should I write about those lazy, selfish, heartless predators that run wild and take great joy in sinking their claws into their victims?Instead, I decided to write about cats.As that brings us to the subject of today's lesson: the primordial pouch.No, I am not talking about a prehistoric kangaroo.Orange marmalade cats are prone to being a bit tubby, and as readers of this column are aware, Archie is no exception. This is because, like most orange cats, he will eat pretty much anything in sight, as well as the box it came in. When I first got my cats, not yet fully grown but certainly not tiny kittens, Archie and his little brother, Groucho (the black one) were pretty much the same size.That didn't last long. They are now about four years old. Archie is not only bigger than his little brother but now has a very noticeable, sagging belly.But does that belly mean Archie is really fat? And what about that primordial pouch?So here's the deal: The primordial pouch is the name of the soft, sagging flap of skin and fat under a cat's belly. It hangs down and, if big enough, swings when your cat walks and is generally hilarious but it is not an indication of being overweight.According to internet scientists (who are the only scientists I have access to), this pouch seems to be an evolutionary holdover from those dangerous days when cats were both predators and prey, before they became surrogate children for weird people. One theory is that the primordial pouch evolved as protection for those vital internal organs. Another theory is that the pouch allows room for expansion if a cat eats a lot in one sitting. In other words, a fat reserve. This makes sense in the wild when meals might be few and far between.Unlike dogs, cats are not fans of belly rubs. Having grown up primarily with dogs as a child, I was surprised to discover this. The only thing people like more than a cute, fluffy animal is a cute, fluffy, FAT, animal. A cat's tummy is a magnet for the hands of animal-lovers who like nothing better that running their fingers over the fluff of an adorable animal's adorable tummy.Unfortunately, those tummies are also death traps, luring a victim like the scent of a Venus flytrap lures an unsuspecting insect ad then…Wham! The trap slams shut. I learned the hard way.It isn't just housecats that have this adorably undignified feature. Even big cats, like lions and tigers, have them.How big that pouch is seems to depend little on the size of the cat. I once had a very small cat named Jackie. She was tiny but her pouch hung so low it made her look like a miniature cow.As noted above, a sagging belly does not mean your cat is fat. So is Archie fat? Well, yeah, he is, but that's not the point. Remember, just because your cat's belly sags, it doesn't mean he needs to go on a diet. There is an evolutionary explanation for it.So what's my excuse?

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