Unbearably Stupid (Allegedly)

By Gordon Hopkins The Coalition Against Insurance Fraud estimates that fraud costs businesses and consumers $308.6 billion a year.Obviously, insurance companies don't swallow that kind of loss. Instead, they pass the cost onto consumers in the form of higher premiums. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), “The insurance industry consists of more than 7,000 companies that collect over $1 trillion in premiums each year. The massive size of the industry contributes significantly to the cost of insurance fraud by providing more opportunities and bigger incentives for committing illegal activities.”That is why investigations into insurance fraud are so important. Certainly, insurance fraud isn't anywhere near as exciting or sexy as drug busts and murder investigations. That's why nobody makes movies about insurance fraud. Unless you count “Double Indemnity,”which amped up the sex appeal with a murder and Barbara Stanwick's really tight, white sweater.Nevertheless, those unheralded insurance investigators perform an important function, keeping those insurance dollars from going to crooks.All of which makes it all the more galling that so many of these crooks are just so dumb. Just. So. Dumb.On November 13, 2024, four Los Angeles area residents were arrested. They had filed claims with their insurance company for damage done to three expensive cars by bears. The cars were a 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost, a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350. Not cheap rides. These bears supposedly broke into the vehicles and tore up the very expensive interior.Now, this is actually not unheard of in southern California. Bears break into cars in that part of the state quite often. In this instance, the insureds had proof the damage was done by bears. Surveillance videos given to the insurance companies clearly showed bears breaking into the cars. Actually, that's not quite accurate. What the videos really showed were obviously a guy in a bear costume. This wasn't even a remotely convincing bear costume. It looked like Dancing Bear from the old “Captain Kangaroo” show. (No one under the age of 50 is gonna get that reference.)So, the California Department of Insurance began an investigation, which was dubbed “Operation: Bear Claw,” a great name that should have been saved for a much less stupid scam. Even without the video showing an embarrassingly bad costume, the claims likely would have been found suspect anyway. The leather seats were torn up by something with six claws. In case you haven't been mauled by a bear recently, or you have but didn't take the time to count, a bear has only five claws per foot.Now, I've seen one of the videos myself and can't imagine how anyone could think this was a real bear. Still, the Department of Insurance is nothing if not thorough, so they had a biologist from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife to review the video. Sure enough, they also concluded the bear was not just fake but embarrassing. So, detectives executed a search warrant and found the bear costume in one of the suspect’s home, with fake metal claws, one of which had six digits.I have often lamented the dearth of quality criminals these days but this is really the scraping the bottom of the barrel. If stupid were a crime, these guys would be getting the chair.

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