Welcome to Mars

By Gordon Hopkins “Landing on Mars! There it was, the poetry of it, the incredible impossibility.” - from “The Martian Chronicles” by Ray Bradbury Ever wonder what is would be like to be trapped in a tiny, confined space with a group of people, with a hostile, unlivable environment right outside your door? Well, you could rent an apartment in Manhattan.Or you could go to Mars.Unfortunately, no airlines are currently booking flights to Mars, so your best bet is Mars Dune Alpha, a 3D-printed Martian habitat simulator created by NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration). But you better hurry and ask your boss for the time off. NASA is only accepting reservations until April 2.NASA is asking for four volunteers to spend a year living and working in a 1,700-square-foot simulated Martian habitat. Amenities include separate living quarters, workspace, medical station, lounge areas, galley and food growing stations.Try finding anything that nice on Park Avenue or the East Village.This is one of those gigs where NASA tries to find out how human beings respond to various stressors of extended living in a space habitat, such as isolation, potential equipment failures that could result in a horrible death on an alien word and, worst of all, eating the same meals every day. Ain't no McDonald's on Mars.Basically, NASA wants to make sure the crews of important manned space missions, like a mission to Mars, won't go “space bonkers,” or whatever the technical term is.Given NASA's propensity for shoving people into metal tubes and shooting them into space, that's probably not such a bad idea. Mars is currently 200,833,536-and-a-half miles from Earth. That's a long way to the nearest therapist.The NASA website describes what kind of people they have in mind, “NASA is looking for healthy, motivated U.S. citizens or permanent residents who are non-smokers, 30-55-years-old, and proficient in English for effective communication between crewmates and mission control. Applicants should have a strong desire for unique, rewarding adventures and interest in contributing to NASA’s work to prepare for the first human journey to Mars.”I'm not sure if these are just guidelines or hard and fast rules. I mean, I don't smoke and my English is okay, I guess. Otherwise, I don't exactly hit most of those targets. Especially that thing about being motivated.The website also says, “A master’s degree in a STEM field such as engineering, mathematics, or biological, physical or computer science from an accredited institution with at least two years of professional STEM experience or a minimum of one thousand hours piloting an aircraft is required. Candidates who have completed two years of work toward a doctoral program in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, completed a medical degree, or a test pilot program will also be considered.”I guess maybe I won't bother finishing my application after all.My question is this: Once someone steps inside Mars Dune Alpha, does that mean that person is, technically, on Mars? I know the simulator will obviously be on Earth, physically. But I am wondering if it will be like an embassy? You know what I mean, right? If you are in, say, Japan but then go into the U.S. Embassy, aren't you technically on U.S. soil?While I find NASA's intentions laudable, I'm not sure they're going about it in the right way. After all, they aren't just trying to see if living on Mars is feasible. They want to see if anyone really wants to do it. Sure, Mars Dune Alpha provides the basics, but little else. If you really want people to make Mars a permanent home, you've gotta provide more than the basics. When those immigrant Martians get off work after a hard day of whatever it is Martians do, they're gonna want to unwind, relax, maybe cut loose a little. NASA needs to look hard at the hospitality business. Las Vegas and Paris and Disneyland don't just offer a “lounge area.” You gotta give folks what they want. They want fun. How about a theater? A casino, maybe? At the very least, Mars is going to need a good nightclub. Nightlife is the key to tourism. Mars is going to need a nightclub with dancing and music and neon sign out front that reads, “No air but plenty of atmosphere!”

Nancy (Hill) Cassel-Peters

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