Be Cool

By Gordon Hopkins At least my house is still standing.Obviously, no story that begins that way has a happy ending.You may have noticed recently the weather has been a bit warm. I've certainly noticed, especially at night while I lie in bed, trying to sleep and leaving sweat angels on my sheets.It seems my normally reliable central air conditioner has been unable to keep up with the ever-increasing temps. The other day, I put my hand to a vent and detected the merest dribble of lukewarm air.So I called some folks who know how to fix air conditioners. They sent over a young, cheerful guy who told me the problem wasn't with my A/C, the problem was with the electricity. I'm not exactly sure what. Was it too much electricity? Too little. Was it the wrong kind of electricity? Are there different kinds of electricity, like different kinds of gasoline?Anyway, he recommended I call an electrician. Not being technical in nature, I didn't really understand what he was telling me, so I had him write it down. The next day, I had an electrician come over to my house and gave him the paper with the explainable from the A/C guy.Sure enough, he found the problem. More importantly, he fixed the problem. I'm not sure what he did. He took a thing out of something called a “junction box” and put a different thing in it. (I apologize if I'm getting too technical.)So now my electricity was kosher. Only the A/C still wasn't working. The electrician told me there was something wrong with the A/C that had nothing to do with bad electricity.The next day, another man came over to try and fix my A/C. He wasn't the young, cheerful guy from two days ago. Instead, if you called central casting and said your movie script needed a world-weary man who had seen everything, was wasn't impressed with any of it, and now fixed air conditioners, this is who they would send.He tinkered with the unit outside my house for about 20 minutes. Again, I'm not sure what he did but he got it running. Soon, chilly air was filling my house.The A/C was working fine, right up until it exploded.I feel I need to point out something. The stories I write about my life in my columns are mostly true, except for the parts I make up. Yes, sometimes I use hyperbole to make a point or just to be funny. Sometimes I'm joking. So I can understand if you think I am exaggerating when I say my A/C exploded.I am not exaggerating. My A/C exploded. It came as something of a shock to me. I imagine it came as a shock to the man whose face was in the machine when it exploded, though he certainly didn't let it show. Instead, he stepped out of the massive dark cloud created by the boom, which smelled like a combination of Freon gas and armageddon, and, after a few spluttering coughs, deadpanned, “ I don't thing I can fix that.”I was informed my compressor is shot. If you are wondering about the explosion, the explanation is right there in the name: compressor. Whatever is inside the compressor is, presumably, compressed. Sometimes, things that are compressed become uncompressed. Sometimes, things that are compressed become uncompressed very rapidly. Hence, the explosion.So, now, I have no A/C and, given the cost of a new one, likely won't have one for quite a while. Summer in Nebraska means it is likely to be hot for quite a while. So I will be spending the next few weeks sitting in the dark, in front of a fan, thinking cool thoughts.

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