The Unkindest Diagnosis

By Gordon Hopkins Listen to the advice of a old man. I've been around a long time and I've learned that, no matter how bad things may seem, it is always possible for things to get worse. Life just loves kicking a guy when he's down. For example, the other day I woke up not feeling all that great. When I tried to get out of bed, my head started spinning. Spinning fast. It was a bit like a hangover, but without worrying about what happened to my car, my keys, my wallet or my pants.I slowly and carefully made my way from the bedroom to the bathroom, using every piece of furniture in between to prop myself up. I couldn't help but think of Dashiell Hammett, author if “The Maltese Falcon” and “The Thin Man.” During an especially bad bout of tuberculosis, Hammett rented a San Francisco apartment. He was so week that he lined up a row of chairs between the bed and bathroom for him to lean on. It wasn't so much that I was weak as that I was dizzy and trying not to topple over. Fortunately, I made it to the bathroom just in time to relieve myself of what little remained of last night's dinner. It was extremely loud and scared the heck out of my cats.I went to the kitchen to feed the cats. This time, I was too far away from the bathroom and barfed into a trash can, once again scaring my cats.At this point I was feeling weak and dripping with sweat. My first thought was I had a sinus infection. Now, I know dizziness, nausea, sweating and weakness don't sound like typical symptoms of a sinus infection. However, I've had sinus infections before and, on occasion, they can mess with my inner ear and screw with my equilibrium, making me dizzy. Being dizzy can make me nauseous. Nausea can make me throw up. Throwing up can make me sweaty and weak. Ergo, perhaps it was just a sinus infection.On the other hand, it could also be one of the other scourges currently plaguing Nebraska right now, like the flu or measles or COVID or dengue fever. (Okay, maybe there isn't a lot of that last one going around in the Cornhusker state.) So, I made an appointment to see a doctor. Thankfully, one could see me that same day.And here is where life kicking a man when he's down comes into play. The first thing my doctor wanted to check for wasn't a sinus infection. It wasn't the flu or COVID or the creeping crud.He wanted to make sure I hadn't had a stroke.Given that my first symptom was dizziness and, of course, my age, it was hardly an unreasonable supposition. Nevertheless, it meant I've reached that age where the first question that jumps to my doctor's mind is, “Did this geezer just have a stroke?”I guarantee you, this isn't a one time deal. From now one, anytime I go seeking medical attention (which will happen more and more frequently, of course, because of my age), I know my doctor will be thinking, “Yup, that's guy's old enough to have a stroke.” I have hit a lot of those getting older mile markers in recent years. So far, this one is probably my least favorite.Oh, by the way. In case you were wondering, it was a sinus infection. The doc gave me some antibiotics and something to help with the dizziness and, in a couple of days, I was feeling much better.But still old.

William Melcher

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